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Title |
Alzheimers Research Laboratory |
(317k) |
"Hi, you have reached the Alzheimers Research errr... lavatory...." |
911 |
(500k) |
Advertisement |
""Thank you for calling 911, our offices are closed because everyone is at the doughnut shop..." |
"You have just reached the amazing Ronfold automatic telephone answering machine, not only does it..." |
(126k) |
Afterlife Voicemail System |
"Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System..." |
(612k) |
Alien |
"Greetings Earthlings, I am an extraterrestrial being..." |
(591k) |
Aliens |
Angry Man |
Annoying message |
(615k) |
(222k) |
(319k) |
"We interrupt this phone call with the following news bulletin" |
"Hey! Hey! Where did you get this number? What makes you think I want to talk to you?" |
"If you would like to press 1, press 1. However if you would like to press 2, press 2..." |
Answering Service |
"Hello, this is the Answering Service's Answering Service..." |
(248k) |
Anxious |
"Hello, I told you never to call me here" |
(376k) |
Attention Disorder |
"Hello, I can't take your call right now as I seem to have contracted some kind of attention deficit disorder..." |
(357k) |
Baby Message |
Bathroom |
Bruce |
burgler |
"Look we can't come to the phone right now we kind of have our hands full, what with changing diapers..." |
(622k) |
"Here I sit, reading a magazine, suddenly the telephone rings..." |
"Good day, Bruce here. If your name is Bruce, please leave your name Bruce..." |
(498k) |
(285k) |
"Hello, there's nobody home right now. In fact that's what me and Bugsy are doing here - taking advantage of the situation..." |
(598k) |
cat |
"Hi, I'm not able to come to the phone right now so please leave a message for my cat..." |
(428k) |
choices |
"This is the Multiple Choice Answering Machine Message..." |
(416k) |
clones |
"Hello, you have reached the offices of the Society for the protection of cloning" |
Confused |
"Press #, press 3 then dial your name then press 6 and dial your number...Bark like a dog, spin in a circle..." |
(493k) |
(441k) |
crabby |
cultured |
Digitally Enhanced |
"So you've decided to give us a call, well - we're not here..." |
"Shut up, I'm on the phone!...Stop hitting your sister!..." |
Greetings, I am a fully integrated, state of the art, digitally enhanced Answering Unit..." |
(481k) |
(469k) |
(369k) |
Dog |
Drinking |
Dude |
Emergency system |
"Hi, I'm not here. Please leave a message for my dog..." |
"I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now, I'm down at the pub..." |
"Dude, we're not home...Bogus..." |
"This is a test of the Emergency Telephone Answering System" |
(459k) |
(228k) |
(75k) |
(271k) |
Farmer |
"Howdy, we can't come to the phone at the moment coz we're all tied up..." |
Far from the phone |
find the phone |
Fat fingers |
"Hello...Hello.. I'm a bit far from the phone at the moment..." |
"Hello, I'm home right now but I can't find the phone..." |
"The fingers you have used to dial are too fat..." |
(587k) |
(139k) |
(71k) |
(370k) |
Flight |
Gypsy |
Hair removal |
"Good afternoon passengers, welcome to flight 416 flying non-stop to the beep..." |
"Greetings, I feel I thank you for calling this Psychic Hotline..." |
"You have reached Helga's House of European Hair Removal..." |
(486k) |
(581k) |
(512k) |
Halloween |
Heaven |
Hello |
Hesitant |
I'm frightfully sorry but the Master of the house is all tied up down in the laboratory..." |
"Hello, Heaven here...Leave your name, number and prayer after the tone" |
"Hello? Hello? Hello?" |
"Hello, there's no one there, well there is but not as I speak so to speak..." |
(338k) |
(170k) |
(726k) |
(339k) |
How dare |
Irish |
Japanese |
Jokester |
Kitty |
"I beg your pardon, do you dare accost me in this manner?..." |
"Hello, are you calling me? Sure I'm just after leaving the house ..." |
"Thank you for calling Learn Japanese in 20 seconds a day..." |
"Hello...Hello...Oh Hi! How are you?..." |
"Leave your message at the sound of the kitty..." |
(341k) |
(345k) |
(420k) |
(361k) |
(129k) |
Maid |
Looking Marvelous |
Money |
Not short |
Orgasmatronics |
Pencil |
Post office |
"Hello Love. Mr and Mrs can't come to the phone just now..." |
"Hello Darling, Mambo here, looking marvelous..." |
"Hi, we can't come to the phone right now. If you are our children - we are out of money..." |
"Hello, don't you just hate it when in the midst of your busy day you get an answering machine with one of those long messages..." |
"You've reached Orgasmatronics Incorporated..." |
"Just hang on while I get a pencil..." |
"You've reached the Post office, at the tone - please write us a letter..." |
"Leave your print baby..." |
(559k) |
(161k) |
(150k) |
(566k) |
(564k) |
(96k) |
(436k) |
(106k) |
prozac |
Presidential Chatline |
Queen |
Racing |
Radio show |
Recipe |
Secretary |
"I can't get off the couch but I'm real happy about it..." |
"Hello, you have reached the Presidential Chat Line..." |
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Lords and Ladies..." |
"And they're off! It's "No One Can Take Your Call" jumping into an early lead..." |
"Well hi there, welcome to the easy listening sounds of this answering machine..." |
"This is the delicious answering machine recipe..." |
"Hello, no, no, he went out for 15 minutes ago half an hour ago and won't be back for 2 hours..." |
(199k) |
(438k) |
(622k) |
(756k) |
(662k) |
(762k) |
(525k) |
Screening |
Seconds remaining |
Sex and lies |
Silly Voices Preservation Society |
Sixth Sense Detective Agency |
Space shuttle |
Space station mir |
Special |
Split personality |
Spooky |
"Hello, we're home right now screening our calls..." |
"At the tone, from the time you called, you will have exactly 10 seconds less remaining in your life... " |
"Hi, Thanks for calling the Whitehouse...." |
"Hello, you have reached the Monty Python Silly Voices Preservation Society" |
"We know you you are and what you want so at the sound of the tone please hang up" |
"Good day, thanks for calling the Space Shuttle..." |
"Good day comrades, Thank you for calling Space Station Mir...." |
Hello, you must be someone very special!...." |
"Hello, you have reached the Institute for Split Personality Research..." |
"Thank you for calling, please leave a sound byte...." |
(416k) |
(314k) |
(455k) |
(361k) |
(90k) |
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Talk show |
Teenager |
telephone tag |
Texan |
Trailer |
Turtle Tribute |
Vampire |
Voice Blackmail System |
Warning |
Win a car |
"Hello there and welcome to the show, todays topic is answering machines..." |
"Like hi, ok, like all my parents say I do is give them attittude, right?..." |
"It's Telephone Tag Time again! You leave a message on this machine, then you get a return call..." |
"If you leave your name and number I'll make a chart to show the flow of the phone activity at this time..." |
"And now, from the household you tried to reach - The untold story of how they missed your call ...." |
"We can't come to the phone right now because our pet turtle, Tippy, has passed away..." |
"Good day, we are all lying down on the job at moment...but your call is not in vein..." |
"Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored..." |
"Warning, this call is being monitored by the telephone company and is being traced to your number...." |
"Congratulations, you are the one millionth caller and you have just won a brand new car!...." |
(649k) |
(577k) |
(248k) |
(773k) |
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(316k) |
witch |
Workout |
"Gobble gobble troil and bobble, I'm not home so what's the trouble..." |
"and 5, 6, 7, 8, can't talk right now..." |
(464k) |
(260k) |