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Alzheimers Research Laboratory
(317k)
"Hi, you have reached the Alzheimers Research errr... lavatory...."
911
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(500k)
Advertisement
""Thank you for calling 911, our offices are closed because everyone is at the doughnut shop..."
"You have just reached the amazing Ronfold automatic telephone answering machine, not only does it..."
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(126k)
Afterlife Voicemail System
"Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System..."
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(612k)
Alien
"Greetings Earthlings, I am an extraterrestrial being..."
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(591k)
Aliens
Angry Man
Annoying message
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"We interrupt this phone call with the following news bulletin"
"Hey! Hey! Where did you get this number? What makes you think I want to talk to you?"
"If you would like to press 1, press 1. However if you would like to press 2, press 2..."
Answering Service
"Hello, this is the Answering Service's Answering Service..."
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(248k)
Anxious
"Hello, I told you never to call me here"
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(376k)
Attention Disorder
"Hello, I can't take your call right now as I seem to have contracted some kind of attention deficit disorder..."
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(357k)
Baby Message
Bathroom
Bruce
burgler
"Look we can't come to the phone right now we kind of have our hands full, what with changing diapers..."
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(622k)
"Here I sit, reading a magazine, suddenly the telephone rings..."
"Good day, Bruce here. If your name is Bruce, please leave your name Bruce..."
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"Hello, there's nobody home right now. In fact that's what me and Bugsy are doing here - taking advantage of the situation..."
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(598k)
cat
"Hi, I'm not able to come to the phone right now so please leave a message for my cat..."
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(428k)
choices
"This is the Multiple Choice Answering Machine Message..."
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(416k)
clones
"Hello, you have reached the offices of the Society for the protection of cloning"
Confused
"Press #, press 3 then dial your name then press 6 and dial your number...Bark like a dog, spin in a circle..."
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crabby
cultured
Digitally Enhanced
"So you've decided to give us a call, well - we're not here..."
"Shut up, I'm on the phone!...Stop hitting your sister!..."
Greetings, I am a fully integrated, state of the art, digitally enhanced Answering Unit..."
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(369k)
Dog
Drinking
Dude
Emergency system
"Hi, I'm not here. Please leave a message for my dog..."
"I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now, I'm down at the pub..."
"Dude, we're not home...Bogus..."
"This is a test of the Emergency Telephone Answering System"
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Farmer
"Howdy, we can't come to the phone at the moment coz we're all tied up..."
Far from the phone
find the phone
Fat fingers
"Hello...Hello.. I'm a bit far from the phone at the moment..."
"Hello, I'm home right now but I can't find the phone..."
"The fingers you have used to dial are too fat..."
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(370k)
Flight
Gypsy
Hair removal
"Good afternoon passengers, welcome to flight 416 flying non-stop to the beep..."
"Greetings, I feel I thank you for calling this Psychic Hotline..."
"You have reached Helga's House of European Hair Removal..."
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(512k)
Halloween
Heaven
Hello
Hesitant
I'm frightfully sorry but the Master of the house is all tied up down in the laboratory..."
"Hello, Heaven here...Leave your name, number and prayer after the tone"
"Hello? Hello? Hello?"
"Hello, there's no one there, well there is but not as I speak so to speak..."
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How dare
Irish
Japanese
Jokester
Kitty
"I beg your pardon, do you dare accost me in this manner?..."
"Hello, are you calling me? Sure I'm just after leaving the house ..."
"Thank you for calling Learn Japanese in 20 seconds a day..."
"Hello...Hello...Oh Hi! How are you?..."
"Leave your message at the sound of the kitty..."
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Maid
Looking Marvelous
Money
Not short
Orgasmatronics
Pencil
Post office
Print
"Hello Love. Mr and Mrs can't come to the phone just now..."
"Hello Darling, Mambo here, looking marvelous..."
"Hi, we can't come to the phone right now. If you are our children - we are out of money..."
"Hello, don't you just hate it when in the midst of your busy day you get an answering machine with one of those long messages..."
"You've reached Orgasmatronics Incorporated..."
"Just hang on while I get a pencil..."
"You've reached the Post office, at the tone - please write us a letter..."
"Leave your print baby..."
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prozac
Presidential Chatline
Queen
Racing
Radio show
Recipe
Secretary
"I can't get off the couch but I'm real happy about it..."
"Hello, you have reached the Presidential Chat Line..."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Lords and Ladies..."
"And they're off! It's "No One Can Take Your Call" jumping into an early lead..."
"Well hi there, welcome to the easy listening sounds of this answering machine..."
"This is the delicious answering machine recipe..."
"Hello, no, no, he went out for 15 minutes ago half an hour ago and won't be back for 2 hours..."
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Screening
Seconds remaining
Sex and lies
Silly Voices Preservation Society
Sixth Sense Detective Agency
Space shuttle
Space station mir
Special
Split personality
Spooky
"Hello, we're home right now screening our calls..."
"At the tone, from the time you called, you will have exactly 10 seconds less remaining in your life... "
"Hi, Thanks for calling the Whitehouse...."
"Hello, you have reached the Monty Python Silly Voices Preservation Society"
"We know you you are and what you want so at the sound of the tone please hang up"
"Good day, thanks for calling the Space Shuttle..."
"Good day comrades, Thank you for calling Space Station Mir...."
Hello, you must be someone very special!...."
"Hello, you have reached the Institute for Split Personality Research..."
"Thank you for calling, please leave a sound byte...."
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Talk show
Teenager
telephone tag
Texan
Trailer
Turtle Tribute
Vampire
Voice Blackmail System
Warning
Win a car
"Hello there and welcome to the show, todays topic is answering machines..."
"Like hi, ok, like all my parents say I do is give them attittude, right?..."
"It's Telephone Tag Time again! You leave a message on this machine, then you get a return call..."
"If you leave your name and number I'll make a chart to show the flow of the phone activity at this time..."
"And now, from the household you tried to reach - The untold story of how they missed your call ...."
"We can't come to the phone right now because our pet turtle, Tippy, has passed away..."
"Good day, we are all lying down on the job at moment...but your call is not in vein..."
"Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored..."
"Warning, this call is being monitored by the telephone company and is being traced to your number...."
"Congratulations, you are the one millionth caller and you have just won a brand new car!...."
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witch
Workout
"Gobble gobble troil and bobble, I'm not home so what's the trouble..."
"and 5, 6, 7, 8, can't talk right now..."
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(464k)
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(260k)